You don’t truly understand pain until it’s right in front of you. Until it’s right behind the watery eyes, the big emotions, the long nights. And the funny thing about pain is it comes in a wave that you didn’t expect. It hits at an unexpected time, and sometimes from the wrong person. You could be happy one minute and the next you are broken down, breathless, and weak. You keep telling yourself that you’re happy, that life’s good, and that it was needed because of where you are now. The truth you don’t unpack is who you feel this for; that’s the confusing and messy part. Displacement. Distractions. So are you really healed?
Displacement. You find someone else to talk to, to fill the hole in your heart you thought wasn’t there, to not be alone. Distractions. A hobby, a friend, anyone. Attachment. Truth is, this is unhealthy, even if you are “healed” from your past. Regardless of the words that come out of your mouth, your actions, the feelings you have. You. Are. Not. Healed. The only thing that truly heals you is time, time with yourself, being alone. The only love you need is yourself. The only thing you need is yourself. Take the time to heal, learn from what happened, and grow. That’s the only power you have. Grow into the best version of yourself.
You can miss their presence, the routine, the comfort. But never displace that and try to go find that in someone else, because that’s your job; you have to do that. YOU find comfort in yourself. You can miss them, but you have to remember you don’t miss the way you were treated; you miss the constant presence, the comfort, and the routine of having someone. You miss the warm hugs when you cry, the talks on a bad day, the confidence boost on a day you feel less. Once it’s gone, it’s hard not to run to find someone who will do just that for you. Distraction. Displacement. So my mission is to find myself and do it alone because I might have thought I was healed, but I was wrong, and that takes a lot to admit. Live life for yourself and only you because you are the most precious being and worthy of something great. All good comes from those who heal and come back stronger. Everyone is healing from what they don’t talk about, and I think that’s why I’m the way I am today.
Edited and reviewed by Hailey Hutchison
