Written by Hailey

It’s been a while, a long while.

Two years to date actually, in case you noticed.

I remember always being around you,

Now you’re nothing but the past.

I still remember your smile,

But I just can’t recall your voice.

I don’t even remember your laugh anymore,

And God did I love your laugh.

I have so many memories of you,

But none that brings me joy.

I remember feeling happy that you were happy.

Thinking of you as soon as I saw your favorite car.

I remember hoping you would be the one,

How I loved you and your family,

How amazing it felt to be with someone like you.

But I also remember how sad I was.

I remember being made fun of for my acne,

And how I used to get nervous in crowds.

Or when I was crying about gaining weight,

And you telling me to just eat less.

I remember you telling me to stop talking so much,

And feeling like no matter what I did for you,

It was never enough. That I just wasn’t enough.

I remember one night specifically,

How I cried to you, feeling how you had fallen out of love with me.

I remember how you waited for me to stop crying,

All so you could leave and go home.

I remember the times you broke my trust,

With all the lies and the names, you called me.

I remember you calling me crazy,

For how I responded to the problems you started.

I remember never feeling pretty enough for you,

And how ashamed I felt for how I looked and dressed.

I remember wearing makeup, so you’d think I was pretty,

And you told me I was wearing too much.

I remember telling you I was scared of

People making fun of me and how you laughed at me.

I remember you constantly making me feel inferior,

And every single tear you caused.

It’s the strangest thing though,

I don’t remember anything good.

I don’t remember you ever complimenting me,

Or loving hugs from you.

I don’t even remember feeling loved by you.

You were the biggest pain to my heart and soul,

The biggest cause of my insecurities.

You didn’t make me feel loved,

You made me feel like a chore.

It’s been years since I last heard your voice,

But I spend every day hoping to never hear it again.

For the first time since I knew you,

You aren’t the cause of pain in my life.

Just the memories you stained me with.

So maybe I don’t remember your voice or your laugh,

 Or much of the good times.

But those bad times changed me,

Made me who I am.

I can’t be upset at the incredible person I grew to be,

I can’t be upset at all actually,

Because I know that you will never be

more than the boy who could never be a man.